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Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?

Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies. Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get. I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!

Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.

Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city!

What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.

  1. Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…
  2. I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
  3. Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!”

I stand by my racial slur.

I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction. You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.

  • I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows.
  • Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.
  • The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…

I was saying “Boo-urns.” Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…

Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. Save me, Jeebus. They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day.

…And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.

You don’t win friends with salad. I’ve had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children… I was saying “Boo-urns.” I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows.

I hope I didn’t brain my damage. Marge, just about everything’s a sin. Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we’re not supposed to go to the bathroom. He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?!

I didn’t get rich by signing checks. Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…

Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish! Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! Dad didn’t leave… When he comes back from the store, he’s going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face!

Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me? Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer?

And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold. I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows.

I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

Marge, just about everything’s a sin. Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we’re not supposed to go to the bathroom. Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city!